What I'm Looking For

Well, well, well... I started this blog almost a year ago, and totally forgot about it. Isn't that how life goes sometimes? We just get so busy, and this was such a new idea...

So you might be wondering why I'm posting again. Let me take you back a little bit...

I was called several months ago by a fellow church member, asking me if I'd consider serving the church as a deacon. I'd already been called in years past, but I felt as though the time wasn't right (was taking night classes, my husband had a hectic schedule with his local theater group rehearsing in the evenings, etc.) and that I'd reconsider at another time. Well, the call came again, and I had no excuse to say no this time, so I accepted!

Forward from there a couple of months, and I started receiving the materials I'd need to begin preparing to serve on the diaconate. One of the books in my stack was My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers (the updated edition). This devotional was the source of a major shift in my prayer life. I am amazed on a daily basis by the insight Mr. Chambers offers in this book, and it has made my prayer life far more intentional.

But why am I taking up this blog again? I'm getting to that, I promise. I have been praying, reading, praying, reading, and praying a lot more lately! Because I also love all things about blogging, both writing and blog stalking hopping, I have been trying to find a blog to read about prayer and faith from a woman's perspective.

However, I've had a hard time finding a blog that I can relate to. Don't get me wrong, I've found SEVERAL great blogs written by Christian women about how their faith guides them, and they are wonderful blogs written by fabulously faithful women. But...I'm having a hard time relating to them. Many of them have nine or more children, almost all of them home-school, and they seem to live on great big ol' expanses of land, farms, prairies, and things of the sort. While I completely appreciate the wisdom they have to offer (and believe me, these women have a LOT of amazing insight to offer), I wanted a blog I could relate to. A mom with a few kids (I just have one, so I really can't relate to having twelve) who might work outside the home in a career that keeps her busy. I want to know how HER faith helps to guide her though life's struggles.

I have found a couple of blogs like that, but I'd love to find more. I want to read voraciously more about other women's journeys so that I can grow on my own. I was reflecting on my disappointment with what I found out there when I remembered that I once wanted to write a blog about my faith journey! If I can't find what I want out there in blogland, why not create something myself?

I'd love for you to become a reader of this blog, but be forewarned: I didn't go to Bible College. I haven't been to seminary. I'm just a Christian mom, wife, and public school teacher. I was raised in church, rebelled in high school (and quite a while after), and upon realizing that I was going to be a mother, came back to my Savior, the only one who would need to carry me through the tough times and help me find contentment in the good times.

I've titled this blog post "What I'm Looking For." I realized that if I couldn't find what I was looking for, then maybe I just had to look inside myself to find it. And that makes me think about Jesus's love for us - if we can't find what we're looking for in life, we just need to look inside to find the guidance of the Holy Spirit, the advocate that Jesus sent to help us, who lives inside each one of us. He's always there; sometimes, we just have to remember to look for Him!

My So-Called Life

I'm writing this blog as a wife, mother, teacher, sister, daughter, and a friend, among other things. But most importantly, I am writing this as a daughter of God.

Perhaps it's just me, but I struggle daily with wanting to do it all. I suspect, however, that I am not the only woman out there who feels this way. I want to be the very best at everything I do, and whether it's perfectionism or just plain exhaustion, the fact that I can't be perfect at everything is frustrating.

I ordered a book on my Kindle and read it all in one day. It was an amazing book, and I felt as though the author was sharing my thoughts. Her struggles are different from mine, but our hearts are very similar. The book is My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife by Sara Horn.

She is a mom and a wife to a Navy Reservist with a passion for women's ministry. She details her "experiment" (her term) of trying to be the Proverbs 31 wife and the blessings and issues that arise from this experiment.

I, like Sara, have looked at the Proverbs 31 wife as a role model, and I've felt as though there is no way on the plant I could ever measure up to her. If she was the perfect wife, then I'm a long way away. Reading that passage left me frustrated and sorry for my husband (and myself, to be totally honest).

If you've ever read that passage and felt frustrated, inadequate, or like a crazy person trying to do it all, then you should read My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife. There are a lot of ideas presented in that book that have shaped my perspective and given me hope.

Through this blog, I hope to chronicle my attempts at being a better wife, mother, teacher, and daughter of God. Sara's book helped me to know that I've got to put my role as God's daughter first, and that becoming better at other things will fall into place more easily, more naturally.

There are also other beautiful verses in the book of Proverbs that I want to incorporate more into my daily life, and I hope to explore those ideas here.

I feel I must put out a disclaimer. I'm not perfect. This blog is not designed to be another testament of the perfect mother and wife.  I am hoping that writing this blog will be cathartic for me, and if you happen to stumble upon it, that you will find some comfort in knowing that perhaps you're not the only one out there struggling to do it all.

So join me in my thinking (and probably sometimes whining), and experience my Proverbs journey with me. I'm training all day. Won't you join me?